


Don't Forget Me

by ass_buttangelintheimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brain Damage, Chaptered, M/M, Major Character Injury, OTP Feels, Original Character(s), Romance, Serious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1862826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ass_buttangelintheimpala/pseuds/ass_buttangelintheimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean looses all memory of Cas from surgery of a brain tumor, Cas and Sam have to find a way to get it back. Perhaps Dean will have to fall in love with him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Loss

"Hey, you okay?" Sam asked. "You haven't been looking so good."

"I just have a headache, leave me alone." I say as I bury my face into the pillow trying to block everything out. The throbbing hasn't been this bad before, and all that matters is my head is clear. _Stop_ _thinking,_ _stop_ _thinking!_ _You're_ _just_ _making_ _it_ _worse!_ I say this to myself and I just want to be left alone.  I try to picture a white canvas, a clear slate as you might say to keep things less crazy in my head. But it’s not working. Everything is too discombobulated and my thoughts feel like they’re in a knot. The throbbing gets worse.  

"Oh,you know what? Can you get me some aspirin from the car?" I can barely murmur from inside my pillow. "Yeah,sure." Sam gets up from his chair and heads out the door. Even if I want to be alone I also feel alone. _Am_ _I_ _depressed?_ _No,_ _I_ _can't_ _be._ _I'm_ _Dean_ _fuckin_ _Winchester!_ I take a deep breath and get up. I feel so dizzy, I need to get to the bathroom. I open the door and stand in front of the mirror. "I look like crap." I murmur. I also feel like crap, all my muscles are tight and I feel like sand is in my bones. _What's_ _taking_ _Sam_ _so_ _long?_ I think. I need to sit down, so I sit on the toilet seat. But my mind is racing and I have to stand back up. I need air, I pace the floor thinking of every possible thing that I feel. Suddenly my body starts to shake and I get chills running up and down my body for a second. I get a weird taste in my mouth. I feel like throwing up from how gross it is, but before I can my legs give way and i'm falling to the ground. _What_ _is_ _happening?_ Sam must have heard me fall because he busts into the bathroom, and has me lean against the wall. I can feel foamy stuff pouring out from the sides of my mouth but I can’t do anything, I feel paralyzed as I start convulsing. He pulls out his phone and calls for the ambulance. "Dean, hold on we're gonna get you out of here." _Cas_ _where_ _are_ _you?_ It's the first thought before I black out.

My eyes feel so heavy, but I manage to open them barely to see Sammy sitting next to me in a chair. We must be in the hospital. He's sleeping with his head on the bed right next to my waist. His hair is over his face so I can't see it. It's very soft looking, I never noticed that before. I take my hand and put it on his shoulder and shake him awake. He's so tired looking with dark circles under his eyes. He must have been here all night.

"Hey." he says in a sleepy voice. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, what happened?" I ask.

"You had a seizure and collapsed. _"_ _How can I have had a seizure? I'm too young for that._

__

"They say you may have a brain tumor Dean... “ my heart starts to race.

"This can't be happening Sammy, not now. This is not how it's supposed to happen, I cannot die like this-"

"You're not going to die Dean, everything will be okay I promise." Sam looks at me with those eyes that make him look like a kid again. And I can't leave him, I just won't!

One of the hot nurses comes in. "Hello Dean, are you feeling alright today?”

“I am now.” I give her a once-over and a smirk to let her know i’m talking about her. But to be honest I feel like crap. But I don't say it. She tries not to smile but still blushes.

"Well that's good." she says and gives a little cough before continuing. "It's said that you had a seizure, have you been suffering from any other symptoms?"  

"I've been getting these nasty headaches,fatigue, maybe even depression?"

"Well there is a possible chance you could have a brain tumor so we may have to take a CAT scan of your brain to make sure. The doctor should be here shortly. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

“I think i’ll be good sweet cheeks….oh actually there is one thing. Can I get your number? In case I do come out alive?” She blushes again.

“Dean.” Sam nudges me and gives me his bitchface. _“What?”_ He tried to signal to me that now’s not the time for flirting but I just brush it off.

For some reason this all still doesn't feel real. Like i'm stuck in a dream that I can't escape. But I don't have any other choice, if this is real i'm going to have to deal with it. I agree to do it and the process feels like forever. They sure don't make the waiting any less stressful. This is life or death right now and they decide to take their merry sweet time?

Sure enough I have a brain tumor, in fact it's really bad. "There is a possible chance you may lose part of your memory if we do the surgery, but at least it's better than dying." the doctor says. _Great, not only will I have to go through surgery but I may even forget Sam and Cas. I don't want to, but the doctor is right, it's better than dying._

__

"Lets just get it over with."

I go into surgery, but before then I have to talk to Sammy. "I won't forget you little brother." I tell him. "Dean, don't worry about me. Just come out alive okay?" I hug him just in case. They prep me for surgery and then knock me out with the oxygen mask. Slowly everything blurs out of focus, my eyes feel heavy. Then it all goes black.

I wake up and my head hurts, _what_ _even_ _happened? Where_ _am_ _I? A_ _hospital?_ I can't remember anything. _Who_ _am_ _I?_ I look down to find my wrist band the hospital gave me. Dean Winchester it says. It's coming back to me like a puzzle piece just appeared from my head. And who is this by my bedside? I tap them on the shoulder and quickly retreat my hand as if i'm terrified of them, but i'm not. I feel like I know them, like I have a close bond to them. He wakes up and rubs his eyes.

"Hey Dean, how are you feeling? Do you remember anything?"he asks.

"I’m afraid I don’t know who you are?"

His face quickly changes from calm to concerned, like I broke his heart or something?

"I'm your brother, Sam."

Sam. I look in his eyes, trying to see if it will spark a memory. I still look confused at him.

“Here, maybe this will help.” He digs into his pocket and pulls out a necklace with a pendant on it, handing it to me. I try hard to remember. Slowly and then all at once all the memories come flooding back. My little brother.

"Sammy?" I say, and before I know it he's hugging me tightly for what seems like forever. "Why am I in the hospital?" I ask. He pulls away to look at me. I can tell he’s about to cry, but he’s strong and holds it back.

"You were in surgery for a brain tumor."  His face tightens and his jaw clenches still holding back the tears.

“Hey, i’m fine alright. Look at me, good as new.” I try to give him that little smile that always let’s him know it’s gonna be okay. His face relaxes and gives one back.

"Sam, you called?" the strange man in a trench coat asked him. It seems like he came out of nowhere? "Yes, Cas I wanted to let you know that Dean is okay." "Well that's good news." he says in his raspy voice. To be honest it's kinda sexy... _Woah woah woah_ , _where did that come from?_ His gaze travels to me until we make eye contact. Then he tilts his head a little and I can't help but feel warm. _Do_ _I know_ _him?_ _If_ _I_ _do_ _why_ _is it_ _that_ _I can_ _remember_ _everything_ _else_ _but_ _him?_ I try to look away, I just turn to Sam instead because there is no where else to look without looking like i'm purposely trying to avoid his gaze. "Hello Dean." he says. "Do you remember me?" I look back at him. _Oh great_. "No, who are you?" I say. I think it came out a bit stern. His face is no longer happy to see me but instead looks like I just stole candy from a kid. I know I hurt him because I can see it in his face, and tears are slowly forming in his eyes. He looks away and then at Sam as if he could fix it. But Sam just gives him a helpless look. "I'm sorry." it’s the best I can do to comfort the poor guy.

"Were you someone, special?" I ask. He just looks at me and that's when the tears start running down his face. He tries to keep his voice steady as he says "I would say we had a more, profound bond."

 


	2. The Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Chapter One: Dean had a tumor and got it fixed but as a result only forgot Castiel.  
> This Chapter: Dean gets back from the hospital and goes to the bar with Cas, but tables turn when drunk Cas sparks a memory for Dean.

“I’m sorry, who are you again?” I ask.

“His name is Castiel, he’s an angel. Of the Lord.” Sam said.

“I’m no angel Sam, i’ve rebelled for Dean too many times. Heaven is looking for me.” Cas said as he looked from Sam to me, then dropping his eyes to the ground.

“Okay, let me get this straight. You’re an angel and you rebelled for, me? Why?”

“Like I said, we have a more profound bon-”

“Yeah yeah yeah, enough with the closeness crap! I’m asking you _why.”_

“I…..” he looks away for a few seconds and then back to me. “I don’t know why.” he said in almost a whisper

“I thought angels were douchebags with wings, I don’t get it?” he wasn’t looking at me, but instead was more zoned out looking out the hospital window. “Anyways, can you get me out of here Sammy?” I said after a sigh

“I’ll see what I can do.”

After Sam had to insist the hospital to let me go he wheeled me out of there in a wheelchair. “Ah, there she is! Did you miss me Baby?” I said. “Thanks for taking care of her Sammy.”

“No problem.”

We all got into Baby, Sam had shotgun and Cas in the back. It felt right somehow. Like this was how it’s supposed to be all the time, the three of us against the world. All in the Impala together. I still couldn’t put my finger on the angel guy, _who was he?_  

“Dean, you alright?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“You just zoned out a bit.”

“Oh, I just thinking. So, where do we go now?” I asked.

“Uhh, I guess we could find a place to crash for the night.” he said.

“Can we go to a club after that?” _What? I just got out of the hospital? Don’t judge me._

 

“Sure Dean, we can go to a club. But you have to promise to take it easy okay.” Sam insisted.

“Easy is my middle name!” And gave him a wink. “See what I did there? _Easy?? Yeeaah??”_ He just gave a huff “Whatever Dean.”

“Oh come on, it was funny!” I looked back towards the road. “Bitch.”

“Jerk.” He said staring straight ahead and gave me a playful shove with his elbow right in my arm. I gave a little chuckle again.

I feel like it’s been so long since we've really been brothers again. It’s felt like hunting buddies more than it has brothers. I enjoyed this moment and savored it until we arrived at the new motel we were staying in. We booked a room with two beds. I nearly forgot about Cas.

“Hey buddy, umm do you want me to book you another room?” I asked.

“I’m fine, I don’t sleep anyways.” he said walking to the bed and sitting down.

“Oh, right. You’re an _angel_.” I went to my bag and pulled out a toothbrush and headed to the bathroom.

“Hey Dean, are you still going to the club?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, why?” I said with toothpaste full in my mouth and then spit.

“I think i’m going to stay here and look up some research. But you can go on without me.” he said.

“Yeah, fine. Hey you wanna tag along Cas?”I yelled from the bathroom.

“I, don’t know if I should.” he said nervously. I walked out of the bathroom and he stood up from sitting on the bed.  

“Oh it’s fine, come on.” I said and pulled him by the the sleeve, leading him out the door by his shoulder to the car.  

We drove over to a club not far down the street and sat down at the bar. I ordered a shot for the guy to see what he thought. “Is this, okay?”

“It’s fine, just try it.” He sipped it and gave a sour look like he just ate a lemon or something. “Ugh!” he said. “What _is_ that?!”

“It’s a shot of liquor, this _is_ a bar you know.” I said. He sipped the rest and continued on making the same face and his disgusted reaction to it. But surprisingly he had me order another one. He was drunk within minutes. “These liquors are making me feel a kind of sensation.” he said, I couldn’t help but laugh as I took another sip from my beer. And it almost went up my nose.

“I think that’s all for you okay buddy?” I said not wanting him to get wasted.

“Hey Dean, can I tell you something?” he asked.

“Sure, what is it?”

“I think you are a great human, and you should never change. I always did think highly of you but seeing how you forgot me you probably don’t care.” he said all this swooning slightly back and forth that I had to hold him still at times so he wouldn't fall off his chair.

“Thank you, it was a very nice thing to say. But I don’t think you should think too much of me. I’m nothing special.”

“If you weren't special do you think I would have raised you from _hell?_ You’re Dean fuckin Winchester remember?.... Oh, apologies for my profanity. I meant, you’re Dean Winchester…. You save lives, kill bad things, your family business.”

I didn’t say anything but I gave him a side smile. After a minute I said “So,do you want to head back? I think i’m tired of this place.” And so we did, Sam was already asleep so we had to be quiet coming in. I went into the bathroom to take a shower and let the warm water wash over my scars from all the previous hunts. And then washed up. I got out and dried off, then wrapping the towel around my waist. I opened the mirror door to get my toothbrush I previously left in there and brushed my teeth. I went to put it back and close the door and right as I did Cas appeared in the reflection. My heart raced as I jumped slightly and my skin sent shivers down my spine.

“Cas!” I tried to whisper. “Don’t ever do that again, you nearly put me back in the hospital.”

“I’m sorry Dean, I won’t do it again.”

I turned around and faced him even though he was right in my face. The bathroom here isn’t very big. “Cas…”

“Yes Dean?” he asked.

“Uhh personal space please?” it was very awkward and I couldn’t help but look at his lips but I stopped myself.  

“I wanted to talk about earlier, and what I said.”

“Yeah? What about it?” I asked.

“What I said back at the bar, it wasn’t just a friendly gesture….” he trailed off. “Before, when you remembered me. We had a profound bond like I said earlier. But it was more than a close friendship. We….” he trailed off again. “We had more than that…”

“What are you trying to say?” This time I was really curious.

“Let me see if this will help you remember.” he waited a second seeing how he could approach me without freaking me out. And before I knew it he was cautiously touching my face and kissing me lightly. I closed my eyes and suddenly I could see memories flashing in my head of him and me together, in the impala, hunting and so on. I leaned more into it and we fit perfectly together and he kissed me harder. We stayed like that going back and forth kissing eachother. Then I pulled back and looked him straight in his blue blue eyes

“Cas?”  I said and he gave me a smile.

“You remember.” and I smiled back

****  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Chapter Two: Dean got back from the hospital and went to a bar with Cas. Cas being drunk,opened up to Dean. Long story short Destiel happened and they kissed when they got back to the motel, which sparked his memory of Cas.  
> This Chapter: Team Free Will is back and has to protect Cas from Metatron's angels. But it won't be easy.

The next morning I was the first to wake up. Cas was sleeping in the lounge chair next to the bed. _I guess angels do sleep._ I threw the warm covers off and stood up while the cold air surrounded me. It made me shiver and I hugged my arms with my hands moving them up and down to keep myself warm. I bent down to pull my bag out from under the bed and fumbled through my clothes until I found my hoodie, pulling it over my head and slipping my arms through the sleeves. I let out a sigh of relief as the warmth slowly came back to my body and I was fine again. Then I had to go and look for my jeans, for I was stupid enough to not wear anything but boxers in the winter. It’s difficult to pull on pants when your entire leg is shaking, plus the pants themselves are cold. Once I got them on and rubbed my thighs to make it warmer I went over and lightly pulled the blanket Cas was using up further around his shoulders making sure he was warm. I brushed my teeth and took Sammy’s laptop to look for something to preoccupy myself until we had a lead on, well _anything_ really.

After an hour or so I heard sleepy grunting from Sam as he rolled over wincing at the sunlight coming through the window. “Uhhgh, the light hurts.” he grumbled under his breath rolling back over. “Rise and shine!” I yelled, which also woke Cas up. His eyes flickered open quicker than a cat getting water sprayed at him, and he nearly fell out of his chair.

“Whahh i’m up i’m up! What happened?” he said startled. After his heart rate slowed down he said with a heavy sigh, “I was supposed to watch over you guys, so far I seemed to have proven i’m terrible at it.”

“Cas, you don’t have to watch over us we’re fine.” Sam said. “Oh, I understand.” Cas responded. After a long silence, I had to break it. “Who’s hungry? I know I am!”

We got into the Impala and drove to a diner just down the road. Everything is close to motels, so it was convenient. It smelled like breakfast walking in, and I breathed it in. “Ahhh, nothing like the smell of food to wake up your senses in the morning.” Sam and Cas were too busy being tired to care much for the aroma. We took a corner table and Sam whipped out his laptop and started typing away. A waitress came over and asked what she could get us. “I’ll have the special, side of bacon and a coffee.” I said. Sam didn’t want anything and Cas just asked for a cheeseburger and orange juice. It took about five minutes to get the food and I was starving. “Mm, this is _really_ good.” I said and took another bite. I swallowed and asked, “So what are you looking for?” Sam looked up from his laptop and replied, “Anything that would be considered unexplainable around this town, making sure if there’s any sign of angels. Seeing how they’re looking for Cas we need to keep him as far away as possible from Metatron’s little lookouts.”

“What do they want with Cas?” I asked

“Cas is a good leader,and the other angels will follow him. The ones that don’t agree with Metatron. If he get’s a hold of Cas and makes him go to the “dark side”, he’ll have all of the angels on _Team Douche._ And god knows what he’ll do when he rules all of heaven, _and_ the angels.” We continued the conversation and I finally finished eating.

“Well then let’s make sure he doesn’t get him.” I said. Cas didn’t respond but instead was too busy still eating. I got up, “Cas you gotta finish that, we have to go.” He looked up at me with a confused face, “Bubhm i’m nahm donm?” he said with his mouth full of cheeseburger. “You sure do eat slow for only ordering a small meal.” I can tell he was trying to swallow his food as quickly as possible after I said that and get as much bites as he could before we left him behind. “I’m savoring it.” he said. I rolled my eyes and left a tip on the table while Sam packed up the laptop. Cas got up, took one last chug of his juice and put it back down, then wiping his mouth with a napkin he pulled out of the container. “I’m ready.” he said, and we left the diner and got into the car. I turned the key once everybody was in and the music came blaring through the speakers, which startled everyone so I had to turn it down. I turned the heat on to let it get warm and in the meantime talked about where we had to go next.

“I think we should go back home, to Lawrence.” Sam suggested as he looked straight ahead and then turned to me.

“Why? So we can go through all that again, are you _crazy?!_ I vowed I would _never_ go back there,at least not back to Lawrence. Bad things always happen there, and I can’t... I won’t…” I trailed off and Sam just looked away. “It was just a suggestion, Dean.” he said as he looked down. There was a long silence as neither of us looked at each other. I kinda felt bad for Cas because he was just awkwardly sitting in the back not saying anything either, which thinking about it made it more awkward because this was a personal topic. “Fine, fine we’ll go. But i’m not going back to the house.” I backed out of the parking lot and Sam took the map out of the glove compartment. We turned down the road and headed for home.

It started getting dark and I had to turn on the headlights. Cas was sleeping on his back in the backseat with his head turned towards the front, his trenchcoat laying on top of him as a blanket and my pillow I lent him(that I actually stole from one of the motels a long time ago) under his head. His knees were slightly bend and off to the side because the backseat was almost too small for him to lie down. Sam was asleep as well, next to me with his head leaning up against the window, arms crossed and hair halfway covering his face. He would grumble in his sleep every now and then when we’d hit a bump in the road but he’d never wake up. I guess he was used to it. I however was still awake, stopping time to time to pick up a coffee or one of us had to use the bathroom and get a snack. I rolled down the window leaving a crack so we could get some fresh air seeing how the heat was running. It felt stuffy especially when we’d been in the car for hours. Those long hours turned into morning and we were soon back in Kansas.

I turned into the parking lot of the first motel I spotted that looked fairly decent and rolled up the windows. I woke up Sammy and he rubbed his eyes and ran his hands over his head, pushing the hair back from his face. Me and Sam got out and I went to the other side of the car to open the backseat door. I shook Cas’s leg and he woke up. He covered his face with both of his hands and slowly ran them down stretching his face downward as if whipping the sleepiness from it, and then rubbed his eyes until they were awake. He sat up and opened the door getting out on the side his head was at. We all went into the waiting room and I booked another room with two beds. “Can I book another one for the night?” I asked the lady at the desk. “Why would we need another room?” Sam asked. “Because i’m not having Cas sleeping in chairs everywhere we go, the guy deserves a decent nights sleep.” I shot back. “Dean,you don’t need to do that, i’m fine.” Cas said. He’s such a humble person but i’m not letting him sleep in a friggin chair. “Well what’s done is done, you’re getting a room whether you like it or not.” He didn’t argue back seeing how he knew it was pointless.

That day we didn’t do much, we went to a bar, ate, drank the usual. Went back, looked up information and chatted. It was rather an unproductive day. But at night my mind was daydreaming, things I wished could have been different. I guess being back in our home town made me wish we actually had a different life. What things would be like if mom didn’t die or if I let Sammy go to college to be a lawyer. I sat up because it was pointless trying to sleep with all these thoughts. I looked over at Sam who was already asleep again, and decided to sneak out. I took one of the robes from the bathroom and opened the door quietly. I walked through the hallway and went to Cas’s door. I tried knocking quietly and after a minute the door opened as far as it could because he had the chain on it. “Dean?” he said quietly. He closed the door and opened it again after the chain was taken off. He knew why I must have been there because he didn’t ask me why I was. I sat on the bed and he came over to sit next to me.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” I asked and Cas nodded his head still staring at me with a sympathetic expression. We layed on our backs, talking all night about being back here and my thoughts as he just listened, until we fell asleep. I woke up finding us facing eachother, our heads were inches apart. I kissed him on the forehead lightly so he wouldn’t wake up, “ Thanks for listening.” I whispered, and got up to ordered breakfast for us. After it came I woke him up, and he rubbed his eyes. We ate and then I went back to my original room to wake up Sam. He usually is the last one to wake up anyways. After I told him I already ate he gave me a confused look for a second but brushed it off ordering himself some breakfast. After he ate we got packed up and were just about to leave to tell Cas the same thing.

 

I opened the door when a man was standing there, “Hello Dean.” was all he said and I knew he must be one of Metatron’s men. I know an angel when I see one, all dressed nicely. So I went straight for my angel blade, but he threw me up against the wall and with his angel force crap leaving the blade lying on the floor by the door, out of my reach. “Dean!” Sam yelled from over at the bed, he was still packing at the moment and saw me. But he too was thrown against the wall. “Now, i’m only going to say this once. Where is Castiel?” he said sternly. “Go to hell.” I said. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cas by the door, he quietly grabbed the blade and cut his hand. The angel sighed, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. All I want is to do my job and turn Castiel over to Metatron. Now if he’s not with you, where _is_ he?” Still off to the side I can tell Cas has finished the angel repel symbol that he used to make with his blood. “Hey assbutt?” he called. The angel looked over and Cas threw his hand on the symbol and the angel vanished with a blinding light and me and Sam closed our eyes tightly and fell to the ground. “Are you guys alright?” Cas asked afterwards. “Yeah,we’re fine.” I said. He hugged us both at the same time, him in the middle. Poor Sammy being tall as he was had to bend down to his level a bit. “I apologize for getting you two in the middle of this mess, but thank you for helping me.” he said as he pulled back from the group hug. “It’s fine, we’d do anything for a friend.” Sam said reassuringly. Cas gave a small half smile and I swung my arm over his shoulder and said, still catching my breath, “Welcome to Kansas.”  

********  
  



	4. A Little Bit Tipsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to add a new chapter, i've been doing this a little at a time. I just got side tracked and didn't have time or motivation anymore.

The angels found Cas and they know he’s here. I knew we should have never come. I knew something bad would happen, I just had that feeling. I’d like to think I could blame Sammy but he just wanted to help. He was so young when mom died, I can understand why he’d want to come home. Perhaps for closure. But to this day home gives me a knot in my stomach. The kind you wish wasn’t there and you just want to rip it out because it’s too painful to think about.

****

“Where do we go from here? I mean, they’ve already found Cas. You know what’s next Dean.” Sam said. I tighten my jaw and give him a slight nod to let him know that I know. “Dean, I can handle this by myself. You shouldn’t be involved, they’re looking for me not you.” Cas said. “CAS DAMMIT we’re not leaving you, you got that? We’re family! I’m not arguing with you about this.” I said as I looked him dead in the eye. I lost my temper and it surprised all of us, even myself. His face got stern as he walked towards me and we were inches apart. “This is MY fight, not yours Dean.” We stared at eachother for a minute as if having a personal argument. When you look at him it’s like he can see right through you and read your every thought. I lost, I could tell from his eyes he wasn’t giving up on this. That he was saying no to me just by his facial expression. “Fine. We’re leaving.” I said at last, and left the room.

****

Sam trailed behind me after he quietly apologized to Cas for me. I could barely hear him from down the hall the further I got, but he made it quick. “What do you mean we’re leaving?” Sam asked, once we got outside. “I mean we’re leaving okay! Cas can obviously take care of this himself.” Sam grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me around. “You’re not serious about this are you? You’re just going to leave him here to fend for himself against Metatron and his angels? He’ll die Dean, and you know it!” I didn’t want to talk about this. “Yeah, well if that’s what he wants i’m not going to stop him.” I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and walked towards the parking lot. He ran up next to me and closed my door once I opened it to get in, stopping me. “You’re not doing this, you’re going back in there and -”  “And what huh? Tell him to stop being an ass and let us help? He’s Cas okay, he’s not going to let it go that easily. I want to keep him safe alright, just as much as you do. But I can’t, I can’t save people anymore Sammy! Not you, not him, nobody! I’m tired of this job and watching people die on my account. I have so much blood on my hands that I can’t wash off, no matter how hard I try, I can’t. And Cas is just gonna be another one.”

****

I looked down as there was a long silence between us. “That doesn’t mean you have to give up Dean.” Sam said. “We can figure something out.” “Hm, man i’m done figuring something out.” I opened the door again and got in. Sam walked around the back and got in as well, sitting in the passenger seat quietly. We sat there for a good minute and I took deep breaths hoping it would calm me down. When I started the car Sam murmured an apology. “I’m sorry Dean.” He was looking ahead at the parking lot and I as well . “For what?” I asked “For bringing you here, for everything? I know you didn’t want to go back but I pushed you. And now it’s my fault.”

****

“Sam listen to me, this whole thing? Doesn’t matter. I don’t care about coming back to Kansas anymore, you know why? Because you’re my home, you’re all i’ve got. You are, my pain in the ass little brother. And that house was nothing, a place to “call home”. But it wasn’t home. It was nothing but a roof over our heads and walls. Just you and me against the world. So don’t think for one second I blame you.” Sam turned to me and lifted his arms, offering a hug. “Do you need a hug Dean?” “Woah woah, no chickflick moments okay?” He gave a chuckle and put his arms down. I gave a small smirk. “Bitch.” “Jerk.” I started the car and drove until we found the nearest motel three miles away from the last. Once we parked and got out of the car Sam walked up next to me, turning me around and hugging me. I hesitated, “This is the part where you hug back, Dean.” And so I did. “I thought I said no chickflick moments?”

****

“I don’t care.” Neither did I.

****

I can hardly see, but I do make out two figures. One is on the floor in a room and the other is pinning it down. They’re wrestling with a blade, the one on the bottom not wanting to be killed is fighting back by holding the blade away from itself. The room looks like a tornado went through it and there’s lightning in the background, it’s raining. Suddenly everything clears up, like a child putting on a new pair of glasses. It’s Cas, he’s the one on the bottom and the other person I don’t know. He’s in danger, another angel is the one trying to kill him. Cas manages to get him off him, and throws him across the room. The angel falls to the floor. Realizing that Cas is too powerful he gets up quickly and disappears. The thunder stops and I realize it wasn’t thunder at all, but instead the angels. By the damage I can tell I’ve only seen part of the fight. I can also tell Cas isn’t over this, before I know it he’s outside in the rain. He just stands there where he stopped,trenchcoat getting darker from the moisture and his hair slowly being matted down by the rain. The tips of his hair are collecting waterdrops, each one landing on his face and running down to the end of his chin. He has small cuts here and there from the punches and a bruise forming around his jawline. His shirt wrinkled and halfway pulled out from the fight. Then it’s all over and I wake up.

****

I rub my eyes and turn over, not wanting to get out of bed. The side I turn on is nice and cool while the blankets are nice and warm. It’s still cold out seeing how it’s winter and I really don’t want to get out of my bed. Sam’s already up of course, wearing his layers of plaid and then a jacket over that to top it all off. I’m surprised when I see him shudder and rub his arms before continuing to type away at the keyboard. I guess even with all those layers he’s still cold. I regret it, but I stick my arm out to feel the “room temperature” and think ‘Yeah no.’ and pull it back in quickly. Sam turns to look at me, noticing me having the covers pulled up around my shoulders says, “Yeah, must be nice being under there. It’s friggin’ cold.” “Don’t they got a heater in here or somethin’?” I ask. “If they do I’m pretty sure ours broke.” Sam responds. “By the way, you were mumbling in your sleep, couldn’t understand what you were saying. But I thought I’d let you know.”  “Yeah...I did have a weird dream though.” “Really. Clowns or midgets?” Sam asks. I think about the dream, of Cas being there. It feels so real, like I was there and I could just call out to him and he’d see me. Must be my guilt of leaving him getting to me. I’m sure he’s fine, probably sitting in a motel somewhere nice and safe. I get up and get changed quickly so I’m not left in the cold, and decide to call him.

****

“Dean.”

Both relief and guilt flood over me and I don’t know which one is more overpowering. I pause, waiting for him to say something and then I remember it’s my turn to speak. “Hey, Cas. How are you?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions Dean.” I can hear the frustration in his voice, this tension is killing me inside. He’s obviously upset that I left, but I thought that’s what he wanted. To just be left alone and do this himself. “Common Cas talk to me.” I plead. “What’s there to talk about? Oh, that’s right you left.” He sure can turn a situation sour when it’s times like these. “You said you wanted to do this on your own, so I left. That’s what you wanted wasn’t it?”

“Of course it wasn’t Dean, I wanted you to fight this with me. I just didn’t want your help out of pity and fear that I couldn’t handle it on my own in the first place. And I didn’t want you and Sam to get hurt, this is my problem anyways. Those things I said, I meant it but at the same time I was hoping you’d help anyways. But you gave up on me before I did. That’s why i’m upset with you.” I was dumbfounded by what I’d just heard, had I really given up too easily? Cas was-- is special to me, I shouldn’t have done that to him. I’d embarrassed and insulted him at the same time.

****

“Cas, can I come over? I’m really sorry.” There was a pause on the other end. And I can hear Cas take a deep breath and let it out making my end sound like static. “I’ve forgiven you Dean, of course you can over. I’m in room 152.” After I heard that my heart almost stopped. I’ve seen that number before, or heard of it. Then it all comes to me, I saw it in my dream. The one of Cas. It was just a blur and I didn’t pay much attention to it, but now I remember. “Yeah, yeah I’ll be there soon.” Cas can tell by the tone of my voice something wasn’t right. “Okay...I’ll just wait here then.”

****

When I got there Cas was waiting for me outside the motel, I could feel it start to sprinkle. The window wipers washed away the droplets one last time, making him clear to see again as I pulled up and cut the engine off. I got out but Cas stood still in the mist waiting by the door. When I got to him he didn’t say a word as we walked in silence up towards the waiting room. “No...um actually i’m going to rent a seperate room for the night.” Still he said nothing. I grabbed my card and went opposite of Cas’s room. To be honest part of me wishes it was just next door so I can keep an eye on him….and also because I like being close to him. But our relationship was complicated enough. We went our separate ways and I looked back at him before I entered my room. I felt like Cas was still slightly upset with me even though he said I was forgiven, so I didn’t want to bother him quite yet. If he needed my help he’d have came to my room by now, so while I waited I figured I could watch some television. The mini bar didn’t have very good drinks but I pulled a small bottle out, not caring what it was and turned the t.v on. I flipped through the channels about a hundred times because nothing seemed to interest me very much, so I left it on some soap opera channel for background noise as I went to the phone to call Sam.

****

“Hey, where’ve you been?” Sam asked, “Oh, I decided to go back over to the old motel to help Cas out after all.”

“See, I told you you’d work it out with him.”

“Yeah yeah whatever- “ And at that point there was a knock on my door. “Hey, look I gotta go. Someone’s at the door. Anyways I just wanted to let you know where I am.” We exchanged goodbyes and I opened the door to see Cas standing there with a weak smile. The kind that says it’s nice to see you even though our relationship’s been a rough one. “Hey Cas…”

“Hello Dean.” He walked in and sat on the bed. “Why are you watching….this?”, he said as he pointed lazily at the small t.v on the dresser, of course not knowing what the point of this channel was. I went over embarrassed and flipped the switch off, “I wasn’t watching it, just thought I’d have background noise. Would you like a drink?” I said pointing at the mini bar. I could tell he was trying to decide whether he should or not, if he thought it was wrong. “I’ll have just a little bit.” he said in an uneasy way. Half an hour later he was already tipsy.

****

It wasn’t long until he’d been staggering to the bathroom to throw up. Clumsily he stopped in the doorframe of the bathroom all pale faced telling me he didn’t feel well. I assumed it was his first ever drink and I couldn’t let him go back to his room, not knowing how to deal with the sickness and hangover in the morning. So I let him take the bed while I got the sofa chair for the night. I had helped him balance himself over to the bed and he flopped face first onto it, so I flipped him over and he was already knocked out. I dug in my bag and found some aspirin and took one of the plastic cups off of the dresser and filled it with the water from the sink, quietly laying them on the night stand. I shut the shades, turned off the light and left the t.v on low for the background noise. I said goodnight to Cas and closed my eyes as I got comfortable in my chair, with only the t.v to break the poor silence.

******  
  
**


End file.
